The brassiere, bra, over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, slingshots, flopper stoppers and my all time favorite boobie-baskets.
As defined my Merriam-Webster:
Main Entry:
bras·siere Listen to the pronunciation of brassiere
Pronunciation:
\brə-ˈzir also ˌbra-sē-ˈer\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
obsolete French brassière bodice, from Old French braciere arm protector, from bras arm — more at bracelet
Date:
1911
: a woman’s undergarment to cover and support the breasts
To me they are personal torture devices. I wish I never had to wear one, ever.
I remember being in the third grade and my aunt taking me to buy my first bra. I remember her telling me I had to wear one because I needed to, not because I should. From that day forward I have tried all different kinds.
No-wire, underwire, wire-less underwire, cotton, cotton blends, demi, full, unlined, lined, padded, push-up, racerback, strapless, one strap, and wrap-around straps. It’s too much.
I wore so many cheap bras growing up it was pitiful. When Shawn and I got married I had two ridiculous cotton bras. One featured Pepé Le Pew, and the other Fred Flintstone, or maybe it was Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm. Anyways, they were thin might-as-well-have-not-been-wearing-a-bra bras. It was sad.
When I was pregnant with Rapunzel Brenda took Shawn shopping to get me bras. He came home with beautifully lacy itchy bras that I hated. When he gave them to me I actually cried; I was pregnant, it happened a lot. Then I yelled at him for buying me bras that I didn’t like and werent going to fit in a month. What can I say, I wasn’t always a happy person when I was pregnant. Sometimes I was just plain bitchy. (Sorry Mom.)
Eventually we all loaded up in Sue’s truck and headed back to the beach. We were able to return them to Cacique with minimal effort and then the hunt was on.
To me it rivaled a safari. We all scoured the shop looking for just the right one, and when we found it, BANG! Of course to be the right one it had to meet the following criteria:
1. Shawn had to like it.
2. I had to be able to wear it.
3. Shawn had to like it.
4. It couldn’t have too-skinny straps.
5. Shawn had to like it.
6. The piece between my boobs couldn’t touch my chin.
7. Shawn had to like it.
8. It had to be within our budget.
9. Shawn had to like it.
10. My boobs had to stay IN the bra.
11. Shawn had to like it.
Do you see a pattern there?
It was a very long and drawn out safari. I’m sure when Brenda took Shawn he said, “She wears a 36C. What will fit?” Then proceed to buy ones he thought were pretty. I’m sure it took them longer to find him a purple shirt than it did to get me two bras.
It is a little over 11 1/2 years later and my situation hasn’t changed much. What has changed is that now I really hate bra shopping.
Since I seem to be going up in weight and not down I’ve gone up a size. I have been a 36C since junior high. Well, except for when pregnant or nursing. Then I rivaled Dolly Parton with the whole my boobs are bigger than my head thing.
A few winters ago I went up to a 36D, I lost 10 pounds and dropped back down to my regular size. The new bras I bought a few months ago are already too small. I have a feeling I’m going to measure at a 38C/D. My band size has never gone up. Not even when pregnant.
I am not looking forward to bra shopping. It requires multiple stores, with multiple women touching me and telling what I “need.”
What I need is this:
I need a bra that will keep my boobs in check. I do not want them making special appearances whenever they feel the need to breathe.
I need a bra with major adjustments in the straps. I am short and there is no such thing as a “petite” bra.
It cannot have pointy cups. I do not want to hear renditions of “Express Yourself” as I walk past.
It must be fully lined. No one else needs to know if I’m cold just by looking at me from across the room.
It must not have as much material between the cups as it did to make the cups.
I’m leery of “demis.” “Demi” does not usually contain enough material to keeps my boobs in check. Though this one might.
It cannot be a balconet. The straps are so far apart on these that I don’t know how anyone keeps the straps on.
It has to pass my rigorous dressing room test of, jump, wiggle, cross arms below the boobs jump and wiggle some more. If at any time my boobs pop out. The bras fails the test.
It can’t look like a nursing bra, something my grandmother would wear, or something my daughter would pick out.
I generally don’t do lacy bras. They are usually itchy.
I prefer underwires, but I don’t want the wire poking me in the armpit.
I don’t mind showing a little cleavage now and then, but I shouldn’t be able to stick a pencil between my boobs and have it stay there. So extreme push-up bras are out of the question. I mean, I don’t mind a little lift, and I’m sure Shawn would tell you that they need a little help after nursing two kids, but they don’t need to touch my chin.
They cannot contain anything that when poked by my six year old will leak.
Do you see why this may be a problem?
To make matters worse I have a little over a week to figure out where I want to go bra shopping. I am feeling very overwhelmed. After many hours online I am not finding much that I think will work. Though I did get one link from a friend that I’m wiling to try. If I can find it.
Victoria may not not be able to help me this time.
The only good thing I found tonight was the best bra fitting guide ever.
P.S. I don’t even want to think about how many times I used the words “boobs” in this post. But I’m a Mommy Blogger so it’s allowed, right? Right? Please tell me it’s allowed.
justJENN says:
What about SOMA intimates?
January 30th, 2009 at 6:22 am
ioi says:
I’ve given up looking all over the place. My nursing bras are the most supportive and practical yet. Though I do sometimes wish I could wear something more flattering and not have it feel like it’s not even there or doing any good. Maybe I’ll make a greater effort when we’re sure we’re done with the little people stage.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Brenda says:
Give it up and buy a gramma bra. A full coverage, lined bra is your best buy. Shawn doesn’t have to like it, he can enjoy taking it off of you.
Seriously, once you hit C cup, something like the Victoria’s Secret Body By Victoria may be your best bet. Check out the clearance – the off colors are as low as $20, the regular ones between $42 and $45.
I used to work for VS, and though I hate to still shill for the company, those are still the ones I wear the most. Also, get the smallest band size that you can comfortably close on the loosest set of hooks. Then, when the bra stretches out, you can tighten it down, and it can still offer support.
I was a 36C in middle school – I’m now a DD and I’m 5’2″ – so I know the troubles you face.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
bluejaye says:
Go to a big, fancy store and get a personal fitting. They won’t charge you and sometimes the fancy stores have some good sales.
I just took mine off, but my favorite is a cotton, underwire Playtex from Target. Bite the bullet and buy a bigger size…it’s just a number. I think we all need as many sizes in bras as we have sizes in jeans. Sad to say…we fluctuate.
Repunzel is big enough to go with you and be objective. She’ll watch your back…er front.
January 30th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
bt says:
I agree with Brenda, the band size matters a lot! If you get a fitting, and know what size to buy, you can search the web and find something that is more likely to fit.
January 31st, 2009 at 12:22 am
HausFrau says:
From your requirements, it sounds like you might not be wearing the right size bra. All the things you mention happen with bras that are too small for me and my large breasts.
I recommend you go to a proper bra shop (I’m from Australia so I can’t recommend one) and get fitted properly. A good fitter should be able to look at you and approximate your your size which will minimise the number of different bras you need to try on. Once you do know your sizes (each brand is different) then you buy off the web and save money but that initial fitting is worth it to actually be comfortable in your bra.
February 1st, 2009 at 12:12 am
mariah steele says:
check out bitchphd’s blog–she’s got two great entries on bras. very helpful, i found (apologies for no caps–baby sleeping on me).
February 1st, 2009 at 9:38 am
K says:
I’ll second the body by victoria bras. They have been my favorite by far!
February 2nd, 2009 at 5:00 am
anna says:
You are so funny! I loved this post! Dave has ordered me a lot of bras from Victorias and I have sent a lot back. My wants are similar to yours and I have found a few from them that I love….and buy in multiple colors. I wish you the best of luck on this adventure
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:31 am
Dejoni says:
I don’t know what to tell ya! Bra’s are a pain in the butt. I wear a 36D and the IPEX from Vicky’s works pretty well for me.
Good luck on the great bra hunt and let me know what you find!
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:08 am
Erin says:
I am a 34DD/36D and I swear by the body by Victoria bras. I wear a demi, but my next purchase will probably be the full coverage with a bit of lift. They’re comfy, no one knows when I’m cold, the mostly keep the girls in check, and there’s no itch factor. I feel you on the petite bra issue. It would be a fab invention, as I’m 5’3″ and have to keep my straps hiked up as far as they go!
Good luck to you!
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Mrs. Wilson says:
Amen to hating bras. I’m sorry that I have no advice. I may come back and read these comments for more though!
February 3rd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Ariel says:
Yup, definitely go to Nordstrom and ask to be measured and fitted. When the fitter starts bring in $65 bras, don’t be afraid to tell her your price limit (mine was $40; Nordstrom carries plenty of bras in the $30s). Even if you don’t find anything you like that’s in your price range, at least you’ll know your size.
By doing this I discovered a bra I love that I NEVER would have chosen for myself: http://tinyurl.com/asb22f — I would have taken one look and said “straps are too skinny,” but it’s actually quite comfy and doesn’t dig in at all. And CK makes a petite version! (although it looks like the cups are more demi-shaped)
Good luck. I hate bra shopping too, but it’s worth it when you get a bra that works.
Oh, and I second the thought that if your husband doesn’t have to wear it all day, he doesn’t get a vote.
February 3rd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
mamalang says:
I am in the same boat…literally down to the same size. So when you find some, let me know where you went will you? I’m tired of trying, and about to go all feminist and burn my bras.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:47 am